No where on this planet is there a book other than God’s Word that can prepare me for parenting. It is by FAR the hardest, most challenging thing that any person will ever do, if you want to do it well. We love our children beyond words, and yet, it is the day to day things that come up that you could never have been prepared for. For me, parenting can be so hard because of the daily sacrifice. I must put the needs of my little humans before mine.
I need to be honest here, I am pretty selfish at times. If I am in the middle of doing something, anything – like going to the bathroom, reading my bible, folding laundry – one of my precious little humans seems to always needs something. Usually, I do not want to stop what I am doing (ok, I really cant if I am “in the bathroom”, but, hey, they disagree). Have you ever been in the shower when one of your kids comes in asking for a snack? “Uh, there are no snacks in here!” is my typical reply.
Even while writing this very blog post my 5 year old needed my help to get her jammies on. This is a skill she is working on but I am still helping her with moral support. When we went into her room, the floor was covered with stuffed animals and other small toys. I told her that we needed to pick up the floor first and that I wanted her to do all the stuffies. Now, she has a big basket in her closet that she can just toss these animals right in there. She had a complete meltdown that she “Cant Do It!!!” and she needed my help. I refused to help her as I picked up the rest of the smaller toys. Standing over her, and trying to encourage her that she really could clean them on her own, she reluctantly put each one away.
God tests us right where we are, right? It would have been easier to clean it for her and give in, but this was the very thing I felt God putting in my heart about how hard parenting can be at times. Inside, I’m thinking “what’s the big deal? just pick’em up!” and I’m getting frustrated about it. This is also a perfect opportunity for my little girl to learn that she must be responsible and that she is capable of doing a great job at the task.
Selfishly, I have been known to reply snarky or sarcastically. But I am ever grateful for the grace of Jesus to help me hold my tongue and tone….occasionally anyway. I don’t want to be selfish toward my kids, most of us don’t. We would love to be the mom who sees how Jesus intended us to respond – with gentleness and kindness. With Him we can find that balance of raising responsible, kind kids.
Jesus, Our Example of Sacrifice
Jesus came to wash the feet of the disciples. He came to serve. That is our calling as parents in the Lord. We must follow the example of Jesus and disciple our kids. I think that the men who walked with Jesus are a good illustration of our own little followers. Though they were grown men, they did not know or understand the ways of Christ. Jesus was the one teaching them. He taught them through his example and by using parables or stories to help the disciples better understand the principles of the Christian walk.
In His Sermon on the Mount at the very beginning of Matthew 5, Jesus laid out heart attitudes that He was teaching and living as an example for the people. “Blessed are the meek…blessed are the merciful…blessed are the peacemakers.” He continues by telling them they are the salt and light of the world and how to handle all of the many issues facing the people in those days. It takes three whole chapters for Matthew to communicate all that Jesus shared that day. This is a guide not only for how we should live but also how we should train up our kids.
Jesus had a gentle response with Peter when he denied Him (Luke 22:54-62), when Judas betrayed Him (Luke 22:1-6), when John questioned Him (Luke 7:18-23), and when Thomas doubted Him (John 20:24-29). He understood the big picture. Jesus knew that this was part of the training for these men to live out God’s intended purposes for His greater will to be accomplished. We too can have a gentle and humble response while parenting our little humans since we know that their is a bigger purpose and plan for their lives. We have the privilege of being a critical part of it too!!
Serving Their Physical Needs
Now, we are not Jesus of course, but His teaching methods certainly help us see how we can parent. We are the example for our children, so we must live what we preach best we can. Serving them does not mean that we parents should do everything for our kids. Teaching them not to be selfish though, requires me to put down the book I am reading and help my little girl get her juice with a good attitude. It means I must help my boys get all their baseball stuff together so they can get to the game on time, plus take the time to teach them how to do it themselves also. I must respond kindly when I my name is called for the 259th time before 10 o’clock in the morning. Serving shows them I love them, and their needs are important to me.
One part of me really wants to see my kids do things independently. I am big on teaching them life skills like prepping their own breakfasts, cutting their own food, folding and putting away their laundry (because if the wait for me on that one it will take way longer). I fully believe this is good and a huge part of my role as their mom, to teach them cleanliness, order, and self care. But I also know that I must demonstrate helping and serving.
Finding the balance can be tricky for me some days when their physical needs exceed my mental abilities. This is when parenting so hard is necessary! I need to take those deep breaths, say the name of Jesus, and ask for His help. Thankfully, He can calm me and equip me to properly respond many times. However, this is part of the sacrifice. Laying down how I feel and what I want to do in these moments is paramount. These times are so much more about me than the needs of my kids. Self restraint changes me and impacts my kids SO much more than the physical acts of service in these moments. I pray daily not to miss these opportunities and to handle them with His grace.
Serving Their Hearts
Communication is key! When we have to handle a sibling dispute and turn referee when the time is inconvenient, our listening is as important as what we say. There are times when simply removing the toy or separating the kids is a good solution. Those squabbles that are more personal and accusations or name calling is involved, it is best to get to the heart of the matter.
Honestly, this part of parenting is one of the hardest. I rarely know the right thing to say to help mend hurt feelings. I do know that I have probably felt similar things though so I try to think of what I would want to hear in their shoes. Knowing God’s word is so helpful in these time too. When we can recount God’s promises then we absolutely know that healing will come. God’s word will not return void (Isaiah 55:11) so when I speak His word into a situation, I absolutely KNOW that it will be so much more effective than anything I can say. This is also how we help our kids develop their own relationship with God (read more here about this).
Life is going to hit our kids the same ways that it hits us as adults. Our kids will experience disappointments and learn that not everyone will agree with them or like them. It is so critical for us to be sensitive to their hearts in these matters and listen. I often forget the value of the pause in conversations with my kids since I’m a talker. When I allow for that silent pause, it give my child a chance to share what they are feeling or thinking. In these times we get to tend to their hearts and fill up their love tanks.
You Can Parent Hard
You can totally parent so hard, and it WILL be worth it! When you are parenting with a heart willing to sacrifice in the daily things, Jesus will give you the grace and humility needed to minister to your little humans. You will not do it perfectly, and neither will I. But you can trust that He is able to fill in the gaps with His mercy. Your children belong to Him first and He loves them more than you do – crazy, huh? Therefore, He will absolutely meet you in those times when you feel weak.
Sacrifice is good for us moms. It reminds us that we need our Jesus. That we can and must cast all our cares on Him and call upon Him for strength. He’s got us!! Are you ready to grow? Are you ready to sow to the harvest that is the hearts of your children?
Say it with me: “I CAN parent hard!!”
Check out these other posts to keep parenting so hard!
- SIMPLE AND FUN ART CRAFT WITH LEAF RUBBING
- SIMPLE PUMPKIN CRAFTS FOR FALL
- 8 AMAZING DEVOTIONALS FOR KIDS BY AGE
- SIMPLE UNIT STUDY ON CLOUDS
- 8 BEST TIPS TO KEEP MUDDY SPRING KID’S GEAR CLEAN
Ugh. I totally agree,. I am learning to parent hard, but it is a slow process and I am leaning more than they are each day. Thank you for the reminders!
Right? No one told me how hard it would be! Thanks for your comment! xo